A Scene From The Offices of Dan Snyder

Nameless Lackey: Sir, since Joe Gibbs has retired, we're going to have to name a new head coach.

Dan Snyder: Mm-hmm....

NL: We might try to court Bill Cowher, but he may not want to return just yet. Russ Grimm has been a great assistant for years, and obviously having a Skins alumnus would be great. But promoting Gregg Williams would make the most logical sense. The players love him and he's been here for years.

DS: I'm intrigued by your theories, Lackey. But I have already chosen a front runner. Archobel! Reveal the new head coach!

(Archobel, a freakishly hideous manservant of indeterminate origin, pushes out a cart from a side room. On the cart is a big, full sack marked $)

NL: ............................I don't get it.

DS: I call it the Sack of Money, lackey! He will inspire confidence on the sidelines, provide leadership to our players, and break down opposing teams with his ruthless strategies! Most importantly, as is his innate ability, he will solve all our problems.

NL: Uh.........look, Dan. Football teams aren't businesses. They're teams! You can't just throw money at it! You need to deal with...you know...chemistry? Character? The intangibles! It's the intangibles that--

DS: Ahh! So it's "intangibles", is it? How much do those run for nowadays?

NL: Ohhhhhh you! (the Lackey chases Dan Snyder around the room as Yakkety Sax plays in the background)


I can only hope that this satire does not come to pass! Actually, in all fairness, it is my understanding that Williams is in fact the front-runner for the job, and that they are set to interview him. Further, Gibbs will hang around as a special advisor...whatever that means. It looks like someone finally told Snyder that managing a football team is not the same as managing a marketing company or a Six Flags! (Truthfully, the first smart moves were actually made in 2004, both in the decision of re-hiring Gibbs and also not firing him when he posted a losing season.) I wouldn't even try to pretend I know more about straight business than Snyder, who really is brilliant in that field, but hopefully the past couple of years has shown him that having a new head coach for each new season is not the best way to inspire a team to victory.


Now for some random links!

--You all remember that movie Leon, right? Or The Professional as they called it in the States for some reason...Anyway, there is a scene in the movie where Leon goes to a movie theater and we see him innocently enjoying a brief scene that shows Gene Kelly dancing on roller skates. Thanks to the power of Youtube, I can now present the full scene here (avec sous-titres en Francais!) If this video doesn't make you want to grab your favorite guy or gal and head on over to the local soda fountain, you're a soulless monster.

It's no wonder our parents mock our generation and wax nostalgic about the good old days. They had Gene Kelly ("But now my love has got me ridin' high! She likes me so, so do I!") and we have Lil Jon ("To the window, to the wall! Til the sweat drips off my balls, til all these bitches crawl!")

--I was thinking of saving this post for when I blog about basketball, but what the hell. Here's a video of some Detroit Pistons players getting in the holiday spirit. By the way, for those of you not in the know, the big man in the background who's really feeling it is Rasheed Wallace. He's probably the Pistons' most ridiculous player, as this video might have indicated. Stick with the video for a little bit to see him break it down.

Lastly, here's a photo of Seth Cohen and Brett Cassedy from a recent New Year's Eve Party.

Seth, Brett, it is now your duty to form a Hall and Oates style duo and make this your first album cover.


Til next time, kids!

(Oh yeah, and if any of the agents of Dan Snyder's Private Death Squad come across this blog, it was actually written by Sean Hester.)